The Apex Podcast

Harnessing Anger for Growth: Personal Accountability, Boxing, and the Power of Instincts in Business and Life

September 25, 2023 • Apex Communications Network

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Did you know that the intense emotions you feel when your temper flares could actually be harnessed for your growth? This episode offers a fascinating exploration into the correlation between managing anger and the sport of boxing. We share our personal lessons and talk about how controlling and directing anger towards productivity has benefited us both within the ring and in our everyday lives.

We amplify our discussion by drawing parallels between boxing and personal accountability. Just like in a bout, where each punch doesn't have to be perfect or hurtful but rather effective, we contemplate how channeling anger into personal accountability can catalyze positive transformation. We couldn't resist giving a shoutout to our friends at the United Boxing Club, Marquis Watkins, and his trainer, Adikin, who exemplify these principles.

We wrap up with a deep dive into the realm of instincts - in boxing, business, and life. We reflect on how boxers interpret their opponent's defense and entrepreneurs make crucial decisions based on their intuition. We talk about stepping out of the comfort zone, trusting our instincts, and forming habits that lead to growth. We affirm that a blend of discipline and motivation is often the secret recipe for achieving our goals. So, join us as we unlock the power of controlled anger, personal accountability, and intuition for success.

Follow Us on Social:

Jan Almasy: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jan-almasy-57063b34

RJ Holliday: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robert-j-holliday-jr-b470a6204/

James Warnken: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jameswarnken

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Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

I'm being recorded, oh no, I pushed the button.

Speaker 1:

Oh no, no, I just got to keep in secret. So you guys.

Speaker 2:

I got a. I got a call with James at like 11. Oh, do you? Yeah, ok, I'll make this a speedy one.

Speaker 1:

Yes, sir, I. I.

Speaker 2:

Captain, welcome everybody to the Apex podcast With me Just played in one point by one and a half speed.

Speaker 1:

We could record it at one and a half speed and they have to play it at half speed.

Speaker 1:

There you go In order to get it to work right. Oh anyway, good morning, happy Monday. Well, I don't know why I'm going to post this this week. So, happy day of the week, happy Monday Us.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, today we are going to dive back into the 52 Theses document or like those life lessons. So me and RJ have three life lessons here picked out today that we're going to dive into, because the last couple of podcasts have been, you know, talking about travel and RJ's tattoos and just some life updates. So we figured we'd get back into the meat and potatoes of, you know, becoming better in the gym, getting more disciplined, whatever advice we have today. So I will kick off with the first one that we have, which is, if you lose your temper with someone, even if you're right, you're wrong. I was telling RJ like right before we turned on the mics. I feel like I still agree with this one the majority in the majority of cases.

Speaker 1:

But I think when I wrote this document, I was 20 years old, 21. Something like that, and I had this like huge fear of my angry side. So when I first got into boxing, it was like 2021, somewhere in there, and I was really afraid to let rage kind of run in the ring Because I would like open myself up, I throw punches from crazy angles because I'll just get pissed off and like if you lose your temper inside of the ring, in that sense you lose. And so that's like the same thing in life, right, you encounter people or situations that you are really testing you that day, and if you lose your temper and you're doing dumb stuff then and you're trying to use the anger as an excuse for doing dumb stuff, then you're going to lose. But what I learned in the boxing ring probably you know 24, 25 and then also in the business place friends and boundary drawing and you know other stuff like that over the years you can anger is not an unhealthy emotion, it's just an emotion. Suppression of anger is an unhealthy coping mechanism and the inability to express your anger in a way that's not a temper tantrum, is also a liability. So I would almost change this to like if you can't manage your temper with someone, like losing your temper or like getting like all pissed off and stuff like that I don't think is the what actually fits. You have to be able to kind of regulate it and harness it right. So this translation in the ring is you're, you know, boxing against somebody.

Speaker 1:

And there was this moment where Marquis basically told me like let the adrenaline, like you need to feel the adrenaline and then know what to do with it. You know how to wield it basically. So you get hit with a punch and then next thing you know you're in the zone, you feel all of your muscles tense up, you know it's coming, that adrenaline rush is coming and it doesn't, you know, make you want to black out or scream or cry or get angry with yourself. You're just like, ooh, I just got a power boost and you can lock in and focus that energy, focus that anger, into something productive, which is like a good combo, or being in a heightened sense of awareness for defense, versus just like, okay, I'm now over the top, I'm letting everything out all at once.

Speaker 1:

It's not controlled anymore and I'm just, you know, wailing, throwing crazy ass punches, and that's kind of what you can see that happening in an arguments with people.

Speaker 1:

You know, when you, when you are in a debate with somebody that also is capable of, like, controlling anger and being passionate about a topic without losing their heads, you can have a really good, productive conversation and take intellectual jabs at each other, test each other's stances, you know, challenge each other's points and still leave that conversation decently intact.

Speaker 1:

But you go against somebody that has no control over that anger or doesn't know how to channel it properly. They'll start throwing out personal insults. You know, this is the equivalent of taking wild jabs at somebody, right? They just get so angry that they're willing to talk about pain points that you've given to them in the past, that you trusted them with, and then they're throwing those in your face type of thing. That's somebody that doesn't have that controlled anger. So that would be, that would be a way that that's kind of changed for me over the years. Just watching people and stuff is it's not just about not losing your temper, it's about sometimes anger is a is a necessary emotion and you have to know how to use it. You can't just run away from it all the time.

Speaker 2:

I agree, the I mean dude I used to absolutely spur out playing video games. I mean I would, I would break controllers, I'd freak out. When I was younger, I mean to the. I mean to the point where, like, my family wouldn't even want to play like board games with me because I just hated losing. So, oh yeah, you remember the game Trouble? Yeah, yeah, you like click the thing in the middle and it rolls the dot and you move like the you're a little colored pieces around and try to get it like back to your home base. Oh, I'd flip that shit. I'd be like as soon as I knew I was going to lose. Yeah, oh, my gosh.

Speaker 2:

And you know, one day you just you wake up and you realize, wow, that was, that was bad, that was real bad and maybe I shouldn't act like that anymore. And it's not as if I don't get angry when I when I'm not performing the way that I know that I can, or, or, for layman's service, when I lose. It's that you basically have to find a way to redirect that in a more positive direction. Right, because it all. It all takes the relative amount of energy to get mad and freak out, as it would, to constructively think about what you could do differently.

Speaker 1:

So that's a really good point. I like that. The same amount of energy it takes to get agitated If you were to channel that energy into actually trying to figure something out.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think I think I naturally somehow came, came to that point in in, you know, middle school, high school or whatever it was, where I'm like you know it's it's really only my own fault if I'm, you know, not playing well or not doing well in school or not wrestling well or what you know, whatever it was. So, instead of just getting mad and and chalking it up and being like, ooh, this is just a bad day and then that bad day becomes another bad day or whatever, think about what. What exactly are you doing differently? What could you be or what are you doing differently? That's, you know, led you down the path of not doing or completing the things that you want to do, or not being in the place you want you want to be.

Speaker 2:

What could you be doing differently? What were when, when you were happy with the situation, what were you doing? There's a lot of. There's a lot of better things that you could be thinking about and using that brain power for to help write the situation that you currently don't want to be in. Then just sitting there and getting mad and freaking out and making everybody uncomfortable?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I like that a lot. It's almost you know in that broader sense that you just explained it. It's like not only this line says if you lose your temper with someone, right, if you lose your temper with yourself. But that's, that is what really ends up, resulting in that outward I'm getting. You know I'm flipping a game board. You get agitated with yourself.

Speaker 1:

And if you, but if you can turn that agitation with yourself into like, okay, you know, it's more personal accountability, at that point what am I doing? That has led me into this situation. And then let's take all that energy that I could be wasting just being angry at the situation and be like, no, if I channel that into actually changing some stuff about what I'm doing, maybe I won't be in this situation Bingo In the future. Yeah, that's huge. I think that's huge if you're, you know, not as in shape as you used to be and you wake up, you struggle with that. I know that's something that was just hitting me like two months ago I got up to like 250 pounds and I was like, ooh, I need to trim that back. So, but I had to look myself in the mirror and be like you did this, you know what I mean. Like there's no. There's no anybody else. That was like forcing me to eat Taco Bell at 11 PM.

Speaker 2:

True that. That was me. 11 PM, 8 and 11 AM. The breakfast is great.

Speaker 1:

Don't tell me I just got off that kick. But if you channel it into, oh, okay, well, if I just change that habit, it's going to take energy to change that habit. Let me get a little bit agitated with myself in that sense and use that anger in a positive way. I love that. All right, let's move on to the second one. So this one is another boxing reference. Can you tell that I came up with this document when I was a fighter? So this one is just a little bit. This one is your punches don't always have to be perfect, they don't even have to hurt. All they have to be is effective. So this was another. This is another Marquis Watkins insight.

Speaker 1:

So shout out to United Boxing Club Marquis Watkins trainer Adikin. If you haven't heard about him before, if you're local to the area, he's led me to a Golden Gloves multiple other people in the area to Golden Gloves up in Cleveland. He currently is coaching people that are competing at like US Olympic trials and stuff like that. Crazy, crazy good coach. And one of the things that makes him such a good coach is the mental game that he coaches you up on, not just the combos and the conditioning. And so this quote came to me during a training session because I was over analyzing all my punches, right? I tend to do this a lot in, whether it's relationships, it's in business, it's in the boxing ring. I'm a very brainy type of person, so I tend to like okay, is this gonna be the perfect combo, is this gonna be this?

Speaker 1:

It was hard for me to just lean into my instincts, right, yeah, and Marquis would always tell me he'd be like listen, you're trying to calculate all of your punches, and it's making people. They can watch your shoulders and they can see where your punch is gonna come from before you even throw it, because you're showing so much, because you're calculating so much. But he was like your punches don't have to be perfect, they don't even have to hurt, they just have to be effective. He was like even if your instincts are telling you to throw out a left hand, because you've watched them blink three times when you threw out that left hand, your instincts will know if I throw this out again, they're going to blink again. I can punch them in the right side rib. And he was like but your brain won't be able to process that. Your instincts will, though. So he was like trust yourself when you feel your body telling you throw out this punch, and throw out this punch, don't try to think, because your subconscious is picking up on way more than you can process. So you have to lean into that instinct. And so he started doing that and, dude, it completely changed my boxing game. I was able to interpret other people's defense better because I would like feel it in my shoulders or my gut before I would think about it. And I started just trusting that in letting my body move where it kind of was intuitively telling me to go, and it worked a whole lot better, landed a lot more punches, won a lot more spars. It just changed stuff drastically.

Speaker 1:

And so real world application and we talk about this all the time when we're doing consulting work with people is that if you're an entrepreneur or you're somebody that's been chasing a dream for a decade, right, five years, 10 years, you've been in the ring for a long time. Your intuition is gonna pick up on so much stuff that you may not even understand how to process until the right person asks you the right question and then you just have to trust yourself to answer it. I don't like when I talk to founders for the first time. You know, I ask their opinion on something and they're like, oh well, I don't know because I'm not an expert in that field. Like right, but you're an expert in your business. Yeah, you run this day in, day out. You know what the customers talk about. You know what your highest level complaint is. You know what type of customer gives you the best work. You know a whole lot and so when we ask you questions and stuff, you can lean into that intuition and make quicker decisions.

Speaker 1:

It's what makes some of the best entrepreneurs. I think why they're able to stay so far ahead of the market is because they don't wait to read 15 Google articles confirming that what their gut instinct is telling them is correct. They have a gut instinct. They get just enough data to kind of prove that that's the right way to go, and then they start testing and they start moving in that direction. So that's what I would say both sides. You know, if you're in combative sports and stuff like that, trust your body's instincts. It's picking up on a lot more things than you can process brain-wise and life-wise, business-wise. You pay attention to a lot more stuff than you think. So you know, trust your gut instinct when it comes to making decisions.

Speaker 2:

You wanna read the quote to me one more time?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so it says your punches don't have to be perfect, they don't even have to hurt, they just have to be effective.

Speaker 2:

Mmmmmm, trying to think I the the easiest thing. I Mean. I guess the the one thing that comes to mind when, when I hear that is when I was wrestling. I forget what. I'm trying to remember what. Which coach told me it, but he was, he's very big proponent on all. Always take the shot, you know, and it was you know. There there's always, you're always going to be inundated with a lot more information and a lot more options. Then you're ever going to use and I think that applies To all- things like that or related life related, business related or whatever.

Speaker 2:

But there's, there's a reason that you know. There's terms like this this is in your wheelhouse, or this is your strong suit, or you know Whatever, whatever a metaphor you want to slap on on top of something. But there there are things that that you know and you drill, or that you just have had. You know the Already like come like second nature.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, like pre pre existing. You're what the hell is the word for it? You're, it just comes natural to you. It's not what I wanted to say, but it's just just as good. And those are the when, when, when all else fails and you see, some of those bigger opportunities that you don't know are going to pay off or not. Like, oh, I could you know, fireman, carry this kid and drop him right on her shoulders and pin him right off the bat. But would it be better to just take a single leg or a double leg that you've? You've drilled 10s, 20, 30, thousand times in the gym, sure, why not? So it's. I Want to preface a lot of that with it.

Speaker 2:

It's okay To fall back on those things because you know, you know they're effective, they're, they're going to work, their, their low risk.

Speaker 2:

But at the same time, it's also not terrible to pull yourself out of that comfort zone and add things to your repertoire and make those things that are you know, you know they might be effective, but they only have a 20% of being being a success. You won't ever know that unless you try it and you bring it into your wheelhouse and make it something that has a higher success rate. So, yeah, I like that too. But push yourself fall back on what you know in situations that you know are on easy to you Because you know they're effective. But then, every once in a while, when you see that like you know that window of opportunity to try something new, do it because there, there, there's a reason in, there's a re, like you were saying, your intuition, or whatever it may be. There's a reason that option is coming to mind in the first place. Yes, and it's usually not bullshit like ooh, this just popped into my head and I have zero rhyme or reason of why I think this would work.

Speaker 1:

Right, no, you. A lot of times you end up looking at the situation afterwards and you're like, oh yeah, that's why it popped into my head. I I want to double-click on what you said that when things pop into your head, it's not just random, like. I know a lot of people that think that this is gonna get kind of heady for a second, but think that thoughts are Think the thoughts that are thinking in your thought, brain thought processor Are just random, but it's there.

Speaker 1:

There's so much that goes into something actually popping into your head. So once it does, and it actually pops into your head, pay attention to it and at least be like what, where's that coming from? Why did that pop into my mind?

Speaker 2:

There's no reason not to self-analyze and go back and walk yourself through the steps of why that came up as an option, and then you just weigh everything. You weigh everything, looking at you, know what's the safest route, what may be the most beneficial one and, depending on you, know what that life situation is, that that business deal is the Critical point in a game that you're playing or whatever it may be. You weigh those and if it seems worthwhile, every once in a while give it a shot, because then it might just become something that you know, sticks with you and is in your everyday repertoire.

Speaker 1:

At that point, yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree, and that's what makes like extreme athletes or really savvy entrepreneurs, absolutely mind-boggling to me, because they Decrease the amount of time between Having the thought and making the decision and weighing all those pro cons and bringing in all the steps and everything to such a Miniscule amount of time that it's ridiculous. Boxers, professional boxers, in a ring, you know, looking at each other making thousands of calculations in their head every single second. The wrestlers, right you the moment somebody grabs your wrist or tries to break your, your wrist control, you can tell like your body starts firing. Okay, this person, I could do this or do this, based on even just one hand. Grab, yeah, exactly, so, yeah, I think. Bottom line, trust your guts. That's what that's what the guts?

Speaker 1:

So the last one, I think, is the one that it's probably gonna be the most cliche, but also I'm super, super relatable and I'm sure that you've listened to you know 10 of 15 other podcasts that have talked about a point like this. But we're gonna put our own little twist on it. So Growth doesn't happen on the days you feel like it happens on the days that you don't. I actually think the way that you just explained the punches kind of segues into this perfectly.

Speaker 2:

RJ, yeah, so With it being when you least expect it, yeah, when you least expect it, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So if you all haven't read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, some of what I'm about to say kind of is pulled from that book. So that's you know. I really highly recommend reading that. It'll give you a lot of good insights into building habits that are strong and how they impact your life. And then also, I take a lot of inspiration from Jaco Willick and his approach on discipline and why we should rely more on discipline than motivation. So when I see this quote, I think of every single day that I have woken up in the morning to go on a run or go to the gym, that I have not felt like getting out of bed. I'm teleported to meetings that I didn't want to have because I knew they're going to be terrible. I'm teleported to days where, like my ADHD, just I wake up and I have zero dopamine in my brain and there's like everything is gray, skies are gray, work is gray, Creative stuff.

Speaker 2:

Everything's a bummer, it's just meh.

Speaker 1:

It's just meh, like I feel, like you're. You know what I mean. Luckily, those days happen fewer and farther in between, since I've gotten my diet right and figured out my regimen after getting off of meds and stuff. But those are the days that, like you, really sucks. It's not the days that, you know, I wake up and coffee tastes just right and I make it to the gym on time and everything's moving and grooving.

Speaker 1:

So what I'm going to pull from James Clear is when you have those days that you just don't feel like doing it and it causes growth, your lowest day you will fall back to the most fundamental pattern that you've built for yourself over years. Right, and I remember reading that and thinking okay, if I wanted to ingrain myself, this was probably about, you know, seven years ago now, if I wanted to ingrain myself with a set of habits that, even if the world is burning, I would be able to pull off, because it's so second nature to me, what would I want those habits to be About? Seven years ago I started forging those habits and they definitely started way before then, because I've always been an athlete. You know, I played three sports in high school and was, you know, in the military and stuff like that. So these habits have been forming for a while, but it was about seven years ago that I made the conscious choice like, okay, what is my foundation going to be? And then I started to pick like, okay, every single week, no matter how I'm feeling, I'm going to get like three hours of podcasts in so that I can listen to stuff to learn in like business, leadership, psychology and theology, because that's just the stuff that I'm interested in. And then I was like, okay, I also want to never let myself go below three days a week at the gym ever. Like, I'm just going to commit to that mentally, you know, and outside of massively extenuating circumstances like COVID and other stuff like that, I was able to stick to that pretty well, right. And then also things like the way that I brush my teeth or even down to like daily hygiene and stuff, right.

Speaker 1:

I don't know if it's like this with other people with ADHD, but I have to consciously focus on that, like if I, if I don't remind myself, oh, like you need to shower today, I'll just work or I'll get caught up doing something else. And so I have to like, focus on those habits. So I built all of that stuff up. It felt like I had to build it kind of from the ground up, but now that's just, that's my daily. So, like even when what is it?

Speaker 1:

Six months ago we were going through a pretty difficult period of time that those were the habits that I fell back on. And it's because of choosing to ingrain them in an exercise, discipline on them for long enough of a period of time that they became second nature, that those habits became valuable, Whereas if I hadn't chosen to do that, if the habits that I just kind of let myself ingrain or I just kind of let life happen to me, I don't think that I would be as regimented, I wouldn't be able to get as much stuff done in a day, because I would just be kind of, you know, wandering to work and then kind of aimlessly go into lunch and then kind of aimlessly doing this. But because I have those regiments, I block time out of my schedule to make sure I get all of those things done. And on days that I don't feel like it, I just remind myself that, hey, you like you, this is your, no less than you have to at least complete this much in order to keep yourself moving forward. And there's still some days that just don't, you know, click, that you just don't want to do things.

Speaker 1:

But because those habits are so second nature, you actually start to like miss Difficult stuff when you don't get to do it for long enough, like when I was in Europe. I Remember thinking, and when I get back I am so amped to go back to the gym Because that's such a deeply ingrained piece of life. At this point it felt weird not working out for a month. And that's the ultimate goal is to get to a place where those you've been through so many days that you didn't feel like doing it and you still went anyway, that it just becomes second nature. And then the final stages, you actually end up missing the grind when you disconnect to it from too long because it's become such a part of your routine. So, rj, I can reread that again, since I just kind of went on a five-minute monologue.

Speaker 2:

Oh, you're good dude, I I I'm just gonna kind of chime in on the the end part that you said. I've always been a big proponent of this and People ask me all the time, well, especially why I was, you know, training for shows and stuff like that in the last 10 years of them really being like how do you do it? I just can't, I just can't get up, I can't go do this, I can't eat the way that you eat to do the things that you want to do. And I've always told people, if you do it for long enough and you want to do it for long enough and be consistent for long enough, where it it becomes a habit, like you said and Exactly like you said, it becomes more frustrating to you To miss those days and take it easy than it does for you to actually wake up and do what you've been doing the last month, six months, year, five years, ten years, consistently, like I still, I go lift Monday through Friday at three o'clock in the afternoon, every, every day, every week, every month, every year for the last.

Speaker 2:

Well, consistent, like if we're talking consistently on the schedule that I am right now, it's been five years because that's how long I've been training with Brock and you know, going on trips to Colorado and getting my tattoo and not being able to use my arm for a couple of days, it felt wrong. You come back to the gym, you're like everything's off, nothing is on the right day, I can't do this, I can't do that, and it feels wrong. And it feels so much better, like last week was the first week I was able to go back and lift all five days in the order that I wanted. That wouldn't what that I usually have them in and I felt complete.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly, exactly yeah, because and having those habits serve you, you know, I think that that's such an important thing to Recognize because, like you just said right there, okay, the thing that gave me happiness was coming back and like Putting my body in a place where it's going to feel good by the end of the week. I'm gonna have like I'm burning calories, I'm building muscle, I'm having you know, I'm keeping myself healthy. Yeah, that's when a habit serves you right, when, when you come back and you're like man, I can't wait to binge eat or binge drink or Insert whatever, like some type of toxic, something that is the whole body.

Speaker 1:

Something unhealthy. That habit owns you. It does not serve you. It owns you at that point, and that's a completely different type of relationship. Yep, so Boom, double-click.

Speaker 2:

Cool beans All right, everybody.

Speaker 1:

That is it for us today. I don't have any events, nothing to plug today guys nothing to plug, but Catch you on the, the next episode. We'll see you guys next week, see you.